Thursday, August 24, 2006

The "Maneater"

Tonight I had a really interesting experience with one of my friends that I thought was worth sharing, because it definately gave me a laugh. A bunch of my friends from last year that have left for college keep in touch with me and tonight one of them in particular told me a really funny experience that she had while she was away at college.

She recently met this guy who we'll call Bob. Bob, to put it lightly, is somewhat of a girly-man. No offence to boys of the more feminine side...nothing against you, but this guy was REALLY off. He seemed to think that my friend was going to be the next Mrs. Bob. How do we know this, you ask? Simple - the wonders of the internet are endless.

My friend said that one night she was bored, and googled her name on the internet. Lo and behold, up popped a sight much like this one...a site for the bloggers of the world. Bob, it seems, has a little time on his hands and likes to leave a daily journal on his blog site. Nothing wrong with that, except that it gets a little tedious to watch him calculate his test scores on the computer ("I messed up on these quiz questions..well, I missed two of them, which is 4 points..but I probably missed 15 points overall on the exam..which would give me a 60/ 80%..bah humbug."...yeah). Anyway, she went to the entry about the first night that he'd met her, and there it was. The boy was obviously very attracted to this friend, because not only did he have ALL of her good virtues written down, but he also had the LDS temple that they would be married in picked out. I'm not kidding. It went something like "She likes the such and such temple, but I prefer the such and such temple. Oh well, I guess we'll see how things go". Yeah. Nice. Anyway, my friend thought that it was high time that the poor sap realized that, as hard as it was to say, things were NEVER going to get that far. So what did she do? She sat him down and gave him the old "maneater" speech.

Now, I think I should make it clear that this friend is by no means a "maneater". She does not "use and abuse" guys, and I'm almost positive she never will. Bob, however, didn't know that, and I see no need for him to. She sat him down a few days ago and tonight she repeated the conversation for my benefit. It went something like this:

"Bob, a lot of my friends call me a maneater. See, I tend to lead guys on and then dump them." "Ok." (blank stare...obviously this guy has a few more years of school ahead of him. She didn't tell me all of the exact details, but I know that from his entry on the web, she didn't make it very clear, though in the end he seemed to get the general point. Now comes the best part....Bob had just been crushed. His future Mrs. Bob had given him the old heave ho and now he had to find a way to deal with that. Well, apparently, nothing says "moving on" to Bob except a half gallon of orange sherbet and the modern-day LDS version of "Pride and Prejudice". That's right. As Bob put it, he went on a "binge".

Anyway, in addition to being an incredibly funny story (at least to me...I don't think I told it very well, and you kind of have to know the girl to appreciate the true hilarity of the story) this is a warning to all you poor saps out there that ask a girl to wait for her until you return from your mission after knowing her a week and get turned down....there are maneaters out there, and as she put it tonight, "Phase one was we were on the toilet!"